Sunday, October 10, 2010
Am I a Monster?
Derek Logue said this about his victim:
"My victim was a follower. She acted different away from her sister. Anyways other people got in trouble over her. Today she's either 16 or 17. She has a GIRLFRIEND now. She has the reputation of being wild and of loose morals. A regular Lolita enjoying her illicit relationships...I have at least some buffer in knowing she was corrupt long before I met her. "
Derek wrote the following (see below) about himself recently, questioning if he had become a "monster". In reading most of Derek's past rantings, He blames society's laws as the number one reason (in his eyes) that he has become such, a "registered sex offender", a pariah curse to society. Is this really the case here or delusional distorted thinking? Read what Derek has to say:
"AM I A MONSTER? The answer has plagued my mind for days on end. My neighbors watch me with suspicious eyes and gossip behind my back. People shout obscenities at me while I'm walking down the street. People devote website to hating and attacking me. I am put on a public list, and that makes people afraid.
Recently, my now ex-fiancee was told by her neighbor, a child, "That man who comes over to your house, he' a bad man, he hurts people." He's a monster. We could not get married because she has a child so the law won't allow it. We could not easily go on trips together or attend kid friendly events together out of fear of vigilantes.
My ex-fiancee could not take it anymore so she left me. Even she began seeing me as a monster. I will never forget that she sees me as a monster. I can never forget.
AM I A MONSTER? Am I eternally doomed to virtual exile? Is death my only escape? Once fallen, can anyone restore his or her own life? Is there hope? Is there forgiveness? Is there LOVE?
If I am a "monster," then I have none of those things. If that is the case, why should I bother to fight anymore? I have lost everything-- my family, my friends, even the one person in this world I truly loved. All I have left is instinct to survive. I have fought not because I wanted to because I felt I did not have a choice.
Every morning I wake up from a nightmare and into a bigger nightmare of life. Every day I am gripped with the thought of the hells in tore for me today. I wonder what new law will be passed out of fear of the people on that public list. I wonder what more people can do to harm me. I fall deeper and deeper into despair. It is as if even God himself has forsaken me. Each day is filled with one objective-- finding the will to live.
I'm sure this makes those who hate me feel happy. It is sad how people get such pleasure from another person's suffering. They love to point out the harm I caused, but if they get pleasure out of my pain, then what does that make them?
I feel like Frankenstein's "Monster." I have been searching for love and acceptance but I am only met with anger, derision, fear, and violence. AM I TRULY A MONSTER?
It does not matter what I have done since my release. It does not matter I have never been suspected of any wrongdoing. It does not matter that I have never re-offended. It does not matter I have made reparations and atoned for the wrongs I have committed to the extent allowable. In the eyes of society, I committed the unforgivable sin, and there can never be a pardon.
I wish I could say I am not a "monster." If I am not a monster, what am I? Even the angels desire to he human. If only I knew the answer. "
Is Derek a "monster"? Yes. Did society's laws create this monster? Nope. Derek created himself. Can Derek change his delusional thinking? Yes with the proper help of a trained therapist. Derek sees himself as a martyr who must sacrifice himself in fighting against the sex offender laws that supposedly enslave him. Derek chooses to be "enslaved" by the law. Are sex offender laws tough, yes but not that tough. There are thousands of sex offenders whom are able to live productive lives. Derek refuses to try. Derek refuses to admit any wrongdoings, He blames everyone else!
Derek complains that his neighbors mistreat him daily, are afraid of him, watch him, call him names...
No wonder, if they knew Derek as well as I do, they'd have more reasons to be concerned! Can Derek "change"? Sure but he has to want to. So far he does not want to.
See the words "reparations & atoned" highlighted, Has Derek made such? Nope. How can one atone when he blames his own victim? Impossible!